Midnight Express (91%)

A story of triumph.

It is with utter disappointment that I begin the Alan Parker film review archive with Midnight Express. Not that Midnight Express is a bad movie, in fact it ranks up there as on of the best prison movies ever made, it's just that it isn't Alan Parker's first film.

He bagan his film career in television with a film called The Evacuees. Sadly I haven't seen it and even sadder, it's not available on DVD or Blu-Ray or at all. He then directed Bugsy Malone. Bugsy Malone told the story of the rise of, of course,  Bugsy Malone. It was a musical, it starred kids as the gangsters, it seems pretty weird. Unfortunately Bugsy Malone I have neither scene nor own as it has never been released this side of the Atlantic ocean. Next, Parker directed another TV movie called No Hard Feelings, again not available in any home format and thus I am unable, dear readers, to present you with a review of any of those films.

Which Brings us to Midnight Express. And what a way to start the career of Alan Parker. As I mentioned, this movie has to be one of the greatest prison movies I have ever seen. Even after 34 years, it's still right up there on the top. It sits with The Shawshank Redemption, The Bridge Over the River Kwai and Escape from Alcatraz as prison movies that will forever be cemented in my memory.

From what I have read, Bugsy Malone is hit and miss. Some people like it, some don't and overall it seems to be just okay. It appears to be a decent debut for Parker but it appears that he really came into his own, that he become a force to reckon with, when he directed Midnight Express, his second big screen feature film.

Based on a true story, Midnight Express is a harrowing, tense and original drama about prison. Less a movie about escape than what a prison is like and what it does to the soul, it starts witha wallop and doesn't let up till the end credits finish rolling. Amazing cinematography, captivating music, almost universal excellent acting and masterfully put together by the editor and Parker, this movie is a masterpiece, a thrill ride and has every right to be called a classic.

The lead role, played by Brad Davis, is probably the weakest performance in the whole picture. Not to say that Davis gives a bad performance, it's just at times he seems stronger than others and whenever John Hurt, Randy Quaid or Paul L. Smith appear he seems overshadowed. There are times though where his acting is utterly captivating. Case in point: when he goes crazy after John Hurt is taken away. Speaking of Hurt, he a marvel here, given an earth shattering performance that launched his career. He has rarely been better (or at least no worse) ever and deserved all the accolades and awards he received for the part. Paul L. Smith is menacing and terrifying as the Prison Warden and he makes you fear him every time he is on the screen.

The music, and soundtrack overall, is stellar. A fully synthesized score (first time ever!!) and a heart beat that plays throughout is pulse pounding and thrilling and oscar worthy. It did win the oscar for the music. The editing is solid and keeps the pace of the movie steady and moving forward and the cinematography is just gorgeous. You can feel the dirt on your skin, feel the darkness surround you and feel the pain inflicted by the prison as you watch the film unfold.

Alan Parker has made a taught, tight drama that thrills and terrifies at the same time. It shows, possibly for the first time, a realistic and brutal Turkish prison. It brings fear and teaches a lesson to tourists. It makes one not ever want to break the law in a foreign country, especially Turkey.  Parker also makes the audience feel just like Davis's character throughout the movie. He does so in many ways but the most captivating way is the lack of subtitles. By not knowing what is being said we are as lost and confused as the characters. I've said it before and I'll say it again: truly masterful direction.

I first saw Midnight Express when I was around 15. I really liked it then and have probably seen it (not including last night) three or four times. Last night was the first time in perhaps 10 years that I had seen it. I actually found it more tense and more disturbing than I used to. Maybe it's because I'm older, wiser and know more about this crazy and sometimes scary world. Or maybe it's because this movie seems to get better with age. Other than a few choice hairstyles and pieces of clothing, this movie hasn't really aged a day. It looks real enough, feels real enough and seems like it could of been shot yesterday. And it is just as relevant today as the day it was made.

This movie is dark, disturbing and curiously uplifting. It's got humour, tension, thrills, chills and action. It's got great editing, amazing sets, amazing acting, glorious cinematography and a stunning soundtrack. It made Alan parker a serious contender on the directing side of the world and did the some for John Hurt on the actor's side. It also gave Oliver Stone a career, as he won an Oscar for his utterly riveting and excellent screenplay.

I recommend Midnight Express to everyone except those who are planning on smuggling drugs out of a foreign country. Other than that, this movie should be seen by everyone as it is a perfect example of the magic of cinema and what it can make us feel and what it can teach us. In a word: Awesome!!!!!


Film Rating: 91%

Breakdown (How Midnight Express scored 91%):

Production Design: 10 out of 10
Cinematography: 10 out of 10
Re-playability: 9 out of 10
Originality: 9 out of 10
Costumes:  8 out of 10
Directing: 10 out of 10
Editing: 9 out of 10
Acting: 8 out of 10
Music: 9 out of 10

Script: 9 out of 10

The Films of Alan Parker

Well fellow Full Metal Reviewer reader's, I'm back and this time I've got an arsenal of 12 classic films to review. Well some of them are classics at least. Some may be excellent, some may be good and some may be bad and together we will discover where each film lies on this epic and exciting journey. Of course, the common link between these films is that they are all directed by the great Alan Parker.

Alan Parker was born in England in 1944. In the early 1960's he began working as a copywriter in the advertising industry. In the late 1960's he began writing and making his own television advertisements and in 1971 he wrote his first feature Melody. Since then he has worked continually in both the British and American film industries. He has been nominated (and won) for a slew of prestigious awards and in 2002 he was knighted to become Sir Alan Parker.

Now, if one was to peruse The Internet Movie Database, one would see that Sir Alan Parker has directed more than 15 films, yet I am only reviewing 12 films. Why? How is this possible? Why am I doing this? Well, if you had read a previous post I did (a few months ago) you would know that I am only reviewing films that are
                 a) available in widescreen and
                 b) available in an official region 1 format.
Thus films like Bugsy Malone and The Road to Wellville, to name two, are not included. It's a shame really as I am dying to see both those films, and really anything Sir Parker has directed.

With that said, of the 12 movies that am about to watch, five of them I have never seen. Of the seven I have seen, five of them I remember being 'brilliant', one of them I remember sucking beyond belief and one of them I really don't remember at all. Here's the list, divided between seen and unseen and listed alphabetically.

                                               Seen                                            Unseen

                                          Angel Heart                                            
                                                Evita                                     Angela's Ashes
                                                Fame                                            Birdy
                                  The Life of David Gale                Come See the Paradise
                                      Midnight Express                         The Commitments
                                   Mississippi Burning                         Shoot The Moon
                                 Pink Floyd: The Wall

So now it's time to find out if my memories hold well with the films that I have seen. It's time to hopefully discover a new hidden gem, or at least to find another great movie to recommend. It's time to watch the films (what's available to North American's) of Sir Alan Parker. Are you ready? Good. Let's begin...

Star Wars Episode 7: My idea for a new trilogy

The world is buzzing about the Star Wars news, Disney owns the rights and have stated that they are going to make Star Wars: Episodes 7, 8 and 9. Best of all, George Lucas won't be heavily involved. This is either great news or terrible news.  I personally think it's great news and when they do come out, starting in 2015, I hope they play out something like this...

Star Wars Episode 7:

A  New Beginning

We start off 25 years after Return of the Jedi. We follow the path of someone new, that we've never seen before. He's around Luke's age in the original. It's a peaceful planet and universe that he lives in. There are no threats and not much hostility but enough to have an Alliance. This new hero is named Ben and he stumbles upon a video that shows a man in a hooded black cape discussing plans about some sort of invasion. He's never seen this hooded man before, but we the audience realize him to be a minion of the Empire.

He begins to investigate and discovers a sinister plot involving a faction of the Empire that had survived in hiding since the destruction of the death star and the death of the Emperor. After 25 years they have grown and under new guidance they have a plan to attack. He escapes the planet just as it is attacked and with no where to turn he decides to go to his mother.

He gets to his mother's house and uses a (key) to get in and steps inside. From another room he hears:

'Who's there?'
'Mom, it's Ben. I need your help.'
'Ben! I'm in the kitchen. Come in and tell me how I can help you.'

He walks into the kitchen and sits down. His mom isn't facing him, all we see is her from behind, hunched over a sink. We can't see above the neck. 'Mom...', Ben says. 'What wrong?', she replies as she begins to turn around, 'How can I help?' When she finishes speaking she is facing Ben and we see that she is no other than Princess Leia. She's older now, but it's her.

And Episode 7 ends there...

Star Wars Episode 8:

The Empire Strikes Again

Ben has told his mom, Leia everything. Right away she realized the Empire had returned. She tells him her story and he is shocked, not knowing any of this before. We learn that a few years after he was born his dad, Han Solo, disappeared without a trace. He's about to be told more when they hear an explosion.

The empire has attacked. They take over the city quickly and Ben and Leia are promptly captured. Before they are hauled off in a ship, they are rescued by Leia's secret bodyguards (she is a princess...) and she informs them they need to get off the planet. They find a ship and once in, the pilot asks her where they are going. She tells them they are going to find her brother.

Once they are in space they see the Empire's fleet of ships, the main ship is a gigantic, bigger than the death star and the largest space Destroyer, Mega Destroyer which is surrounded by dozens of smaller destroyers and other various ships. Ben and Leia are spotted escaping the planet but they jump into hyperspace just in the nick of time. We fade out to black and...

...fade into a desert planet that looks familiar. It's Tatooine and we see a man walking through the desert. It's windy and sand is blowing everywhere. The man is covering his face and we can't see who he is. He arrives at a building out in the desert and enters. The building is a Jedi training academy, the man is Luke Skywalker.

Luke enters a control room of sorts and speaks into a microphone. Leia is on the other end. She has just arrived and is landing as they talk. Luke is informed about the Empires rise and the three of them begin to look into it further. They eventually discover where the Empire has been hiding and together with the Alliance, Luke, Leia and Ben set out after them.

When they get there they discover how big the empire actually is. Not only is there a planet surrounded by three death stars but the entire planet is overrun and ruled by the empire. They have utilized the planet and made it into a gigantic version of a death star. They realize that the only way to destroy the Empire is to destroy the planet and the only way to do that successfully would be from it's core.

Luke realizes something and says:

'There's only one man alive who can do that.'
'Who's that?' Ben asks.
'You're father. Han.'
'But he's missing.'
'We know where he is...' Luke and Leia say in unison.

Episode 8 ends there...

Star Wars Episode 9:

Worlds Removed

We open on the Empire traveling through space and attacking and destroying various planets. With in days they have destroyed over half a dozen planets. The alliance was unprepared and were not ready for this surprise attack. Together with Leia, Luke and Ben they hatch a plan to destroy the planet. But first Luke and Ben need to go get Han.

It turns out Han got caught up in some bad business with the wrong people and the only way for Leia and Ben to survive was for him to disappear. They find Han, older but still super cool. He's been in hiding with Lando Calrissian, who was mixed up in the same bad business. After Ben and Luke explain to Han the situation, he elects to go but Lando stays behind.

On their way back to Leia, the people searching for Han discover he's back. The set out after him. When they make it back to Alliance headquarters, the Alliance are just about ready to suit up and attack. As they set off they are attacked by the people after Han. Just in the knick of time, The Millenium Falcon comes out of no where and saves the day. It's Lando!

The Alliance make their way to the Empire's planet. When they get there a long space battle begins. All three Death Stars are attacked, tie-fighters and x-wings attack each other and a whole crew of ships head towards the planet, including a ship (The Century Siren) piloted by Han with help from Ben, Luke and Leia. They race towards the planet and just before they reach the ground Hans ship shoots a weapon that starts to dig into the planet.

As they fly through this tunnel they are held off from the attack by the coverage of Alliance fighters. They race to the center while outside the battle rages amongst the Death Stars. They destroy one Death Star just as the Siren reaches the core of the planet. The Siren a bomb just as it rushes through the center, a bomb that is set to go off in 90 seconds. As they race through the other side of the planet, they send a message to the Alliance to vacate the premises. Just then the remaining Alliance fighters around the Siren are destroyed by the last two Empire fighters. Han evades them and gets them to crash into each other just as they burst through the other side of the planet.

They see the Alliance ships bursting into hyperspace, leaving a rainbow of streaks across the skyline. The Siren speeds away from the planet and from the rear window we see the planet get smaller, but then it explodes and we see the explosion spread throughout space. The remaining two Death Stars are destroyed by the shockwave and debris. And just as it is about to hit The Siren they jump into hyperspace.

Our heroes have saved the day. They have banded together again and finally defeated the Empire for good.

Episode 9 ends there...

Of course there is a whole lot more that would go on to propel the story, and it would have a more solid ending (I did just think of that a few hours ago) or at the very least a more sound ending, but the idea of having to destroy an entire planet would work as it is like the Death Star in Return of the Jedi but on a larger and more grandios style. It would be a long epic and tough space battle that would be awesome to be seen. Plus all the original cast returning to their roles and having to work together again.


That's my idea, hope you liked it... I think if the new trilogy is anything like that it would be awesome!!!!!!!!

Rise of the Planet of the Apes (88%)

Evolution Becomes Revolution

Wow! Rise of the Planet of the Apes is amazing! So much better than I ever thought possible! It may not ever be regarded as a classic like the original but in my humble opinion it is overall a better movie. Blasphemy, I'm sure some of you are saying. But let me try to explain.

In 2011 I ended up seeing Rise of the Planet of the Apes twice in the theater. I loved it that much that even though there were a ton of other things playing I wanted and needed to see it again. I loved it just as much the second time. But on both those occasions it had been a while since I had seen the original series or even the remake. Now, over the last week or two I have watched all seven Ape films in order and I tell you that Rise is better than all the sequels, the remake and could even top the original.

To begin with, the make-up and effects used to create the apes is astounding. They look so real and move so real yet at the same time they feel human and act human. Andy Serkis, the ultimate king of motion capture performance artistry, plays the lead ape, Caesar. His performance is phenomenal. He gives his character heart, emotion, pain, happiness, and a whole slew of other emotions. He walks and runs and jumps and stands like an ape; he lives and breathes the role and gives the best performance I have ever seen by anybody ever (of someone playing an animal).

John Lithgow, who has never given a bad performance, is his usual awesome self here. He steals the show from everybody else, minus the aforementioned Serkis. As well, we have the absolutely stunning  Frieda Pinto in a role, the very likeable James Franco as the lead (human), and in a small role, the man that brings gravitas to any movie Brian Cox. As a whole, the acting is far superior to any of the previous incarnations of Planet of the Apes.

Before I get to the story, which is stellar, I just want to mention the editing and the cinematography. The editing is a marvel to behold with perfect pacing, stellar transitions and not a single wasted shot. It feels fast and furious and did I mention the transitions. Zooming in and out of an eye, climbing a tree as Caesar ages; it's all awesome and not only enjoyable to watch but progresses the story perfectly. Then there is the cinematography, also stunning to look at. Beautiful lighting, perfectly captured sets and amazing vistas of San Francisco. The opening establishing shot, of trees, with the title Rise of the Planet of the Apes superimposed over it hooks you right away and somehow looks and feels like the earlier planet of the ape movies.

But, I need to talk about the story and how wonderful it is. This planet of the apes is in a sense, a modern reboot of the franchise but at the same time it is a prequel/sequel to the original film. It takes place in modern times and like the title says, it is about the rise of the apes. It forgets about the sequels, acting like they never existed. Instead we get a fresh, modern take on how the ape uprising all began. It's about science, and science gone wrong but at the same time it's about the mistreatment of others and the consequences of that. It's about love and friendship and greed and power. It's morals are the same as the original film and it ties perfectly into it.

Without being to obvious they make references to the original film over and over again and they are a joy to see and hear. The first ape we meet is named Bright Eyes (Heston's nickname in the original), the main ape is Caesar (the name used in the third film for the ape that led the uprising). In the ape sanctuary, the guard makes the apes go crazy and then uses the immortal line 'It's a madhouse, a madhouse!' It was perfect! All the apes that Caesar meets in the sanctuary are the apes that end up ruling the planet in the future. There is a quick glimpse of a television where we see a rocket take off and are told it's a manned mission to mars. Then a while later we see a newspaper heading that says the astronauts have gone missing. Utterly cool and crazy!

And then there's the immortal moment in the original Apes when Heston is finally caught and an ape touches him. For the first time he speaks, the first time any living ape has heard a man speak and he says: 'Take your stinking paws off me you damn dirty ape!' Here, as Caesar is starting to lead the uprising, as things are progressing towards an epic conclusion, Caesar comes face to face with a human who attacks him. He grabs the human's arm and is promptly told: 'Take your stinking paws off me you damn dirty ape!' And then, the first time a human ever hears an ape talk (both audience and characters) occurs when Caesar says 'No!'.

These great moments that connect to the original film make this film even better. I missed some of them when I saw Rise in the theater. I hadn't after all seen the original for a very long time. I also missed the significance of the moment of 'first speech'. So cool, so well done, thank you Rupert Wyatt! The script is so very well written and makes a lot of sense, realistically and in context with the original film.

One thing about the Ape movies is that they all have great and shocking twists of an ending. Rise of the Planet of the Apes is no exception. Just make sure you stay through the credits (not all the way to the end) if you want to see this one. It is awesome, it is shocking and it rivals the twist at the end of the first film. That's all I'll say about that.

So there you have it: A fantastic story, fantastic performances (no wooden acting here), unbelievable effects, gorgeous cinematography, perfect directing, great music, stellar editing, magically done references to the original, John Lithgow and Brian Cox, and 104 minutes of ball busting entertainment! These reasons are why I think that this film even outshines the original. It took four sequels and a remake before anyone came close to touching the magic of the first film. Wyatt and Company have done it. They exceeded my and many peoples expectations and went above and beyond what was expected. After 43 years, someone who grew up (like me) watching these films has made a perfect film, one that encapsulates everything I could have hoped for and wanted in a prequel/sequel/reboot. And if not for all the reasons I have listed, then it is for that reason alone that Rise of the Planet of the Apes is, for me, the best of the bunch.

Film Rating: 88%

Breakdown (How Rise of the Planet of the Apes scored 88%):

Production Design: 9 out of 10
Cinematography: 9 out of 10
Re-playability: 9 out of 10
Originality: 8 out of 10
Costumes:  10 out of 10
Directing: 9 out of 10
Editing: 9 out of 10
Acting: 8 out of 10
Music: 8 out of 10

Script: 9 out of 10

Tim Burton's Planet of the Apes (65%)

Rule the planet.

It's a strange thing, the memories we have of movies and how much they affected us or how much we enjoyed them. My views have changed on most of the original Planet of the Apes movies from the 60's and 70's but I didn't think my view would change when I watched the 2001 remake by Tim Burton. I hadn't seen the movie in whole since I saw it in theaters 11 years ago, but I remember being thrilled and excited and really really liking the movie, if not loving it.

Well I just watched Burton's Planet of the Apes and once again my memories have led me astray. While it's a great looking film, with one stellar performance amongst many decent performances, the movie itself is a bit of a let down and is nowhere near as thrilling as I remember. Plus the story itself is pretty weak and the screenplay even weaker.

The story is somewhat the same as the original film. Only the astronauts at the beginning (Mark Wahlberg and co.) are actually in the year 2029. Unlike the original film, where Heston's astronaut began his travels only 3 years in the future, here the 'present day' is set 28 years in the future. Wahlberg and co. are sending out and testing genetically engineered apes out in space pods and testing their abilities. One gets lost in a ion storm and Wahlberg sets out to rescue him. He gets lost too and ends up in the future on a planet run by apes.

The story diverts from the original film here by having the humans able to talk. As well, the planet they are on is not earth this time, at least as far as we know. In replacement of a ruined New York, the story moves towards a time paradox/creation aspect that comes straight out of Escape from Planet of the Apes. This is not a bad thing and it gives the film a slight original tone and a uniqueness all of its own. As with all the Ape movies (well at least the first four), the ending is downbeat and comes off as a twist. Unlike those earlier Ape movies though, the twist is heavy handed and really makes no sense (in context with the preceding movie). It is more of a 'How do we top the ending of the original? Oh I know... How about this?'  It doesn't come close and it is rather pointless.

The biggest problem with this film is the actual screenplay. Everything moves so quickly that there is no character development. Characters enter and leave and no exposition is ever given for anyone. Why have the humans talk if you aren't going to develop them? Kris Kristofferson appears in a role at the beginning; he seems cool and interesting but we never learn anything about him. Consequently, when he dies, we as the audience, could care less. The same goes for every character in this film, including Wahlberg. Without knowing anything about these people, or apes, we aren't drawn into the story and we don't care what happens to them.

And because we aren't drawn into the story we just sit back and watch as the action unfolds, the beautiful sets appear and disappear and the actors move from scene to scene. Scenes come and go at a rapid pace, events fit together too perfectly, other events and moments and characters are just forgotten. What's missing is heart, a sense of connection and a solid story; instead we are left with a spectacle of scenes that entertain by their effects rather than the story. It's a shame that a) Tim Burton was behind this and b) that although it was destined to not live up to the original that it didn't even live up to it's sequels (not including Battle for the Planet of the Apes).

There are a few good things about this film. The best thing is Tim Roth. His evil ape really is pure evil. He oozes evil out of his performance and his make up and at times you feel like you are actually watching an ape rather than a man. He's amazing in this film and no one else comes close to matching his skill. Wahlberg and Estalla Warren are bland; Michael Clarke Duncan and Helena Bonham Carter are pretty good. Paul Giamatti pulls off the second best performance as a swindling ape and is quite funny at times.

Another good thing about this film, and really how could it not be, is the ape make-up and effects. Amazing! Like I said, Roth almost becomes an ape it is so convincing. The faces on most of the apes are more believable than not and there is nary a bad make-up job to be seen (unlike some of the sequels to the original). It's not only the make-up but the performances and effects together that make the apes come alive. The way the apes move and walk and run and jump in this film is crazy. I mean seeing Tim Roth standing behind a horse and then with no cuts he jumps, more like leaps, onto the horse and rides off is astounding. These type of moments happen a lot in the film and are cool to see and add realism to an otherwise unrealistic premise.

The sets are magnificent too, with a great looking Calima and even better looking Ape city. The problem with Ape City though is that at times it is too cluttered and dark and thus it becomes very hard to see the details or design. These details and design, if more visible, would bring us into the world more than we actually are. Another thing that bothered me about Ape City was the way the apes behaved within the city. It was to human like: deodorant; luscious linens and beddings; mirrors; stores. It was like taking a city, say New York, and ape-a-sizing it. In my opinion it would have been better if they had used elements of humanity but not all of humanity's elements.

Ultimately, Burton's Planet of the Apes is a failure. Its lousy script, its miss of a twist ending and its ho hum story strongly hurt the film. The overstuffed ape city and the too quick editing don't hurt the film as much but still don't do it any favours. Tim Roth steals the picture from everybody around him and is a joy to watch. Other than that, the best things going for Planet of the Apes: The Remake is a truly wonderful score by Danny Elfman, some great looking cinematography and excellent make-up and effects.

Even though the first three sequels to the original aren't that strong, they have something that this remake does not. They are endlessly re-watchable. They never get boring. They stay fun and funny and thrilling. Unfortunately, Burton's remake doesn't; I've seen it twice now and I can safely say it's definitely worth one viewing but after the second I don't ever need to see it again.

Film Rating: 65%

Breakdown (How Tim Burton's Planet of the Apes scored 65%):

Production Design: 7 out of 10
Cinematography: 8 out of 10
Re-playability: 5 out of 10
Originality: 4 out of 10
Costumes:  7 out of 10
Directing: 6 out of 10
Editing: 6 out of 10
Acting: 8 out of 10
Music: 9 out of 10

Script: 5 out of 10

Battle for the Planet of the Apes (51%)

The final chapter in the incredible Apes saga. The most suspenseful showdown ever filmed as two civilizations battle for the right to inherit what's left of the earth!

Battle for the Planet of the Apes is the only film in the series that, up until a few hours ago, I had never fully seen. Back when I was around 15, a friend and I had rented all the Ape films and spent the night watching them. It was all going well, but then we watched Conquest and man did we hate it. Then we put on Battle and it was even worse. In fact we never made it through the whole thing.

So a few hours ago I watched the whole film from start to finish. Conquest of the Planet of the Apes, which I had believed to be a terrible movie wasn't as bad as I remembered so I had high hopes for Battle this time around. Unfortunately, Battle for the Planet of the Apes is pretty bad of a film. While it is at least watchable, it is rather sad to see the series crumble as it did here. This movie is like a TV version of Planet of the Apes; TV in execution, acting and effects. It did act as the 'pilot' for the short lived TV show so it's not really that much of a surprise, but like I said it is rather sad.

The story is told in flashback from about 150 years in the future (when the TV Show takes place I assume) and relates the story of Caesar (from Conquest) and his plight to make humans and apes live in peace and harmony together. Gorillas revolt and mutant humans attack and Caesar goes on a trek to see video footage of his parents. That's it. That's the story. All of it. It's weak and in regards to continuity with the other films, the logic is rather lacking.

For example, why does Caesar have trouble believing that he can hear and see his parents via tapes in an archive. After all he was born in a circus, in 1973, where he grew up to be just as intelligent as humans. So how come he had no knowledge of TV, tape or recording technology? Especially since he worked in an archive room of sorts in Conquest. Then there is the trek to the radiated city. How did they trek through the city without getting any radiation poisoning. And speaking of which, how did all this happen in the time span between Conquest and Battle. All apes speak now? They are all intelligent? The world is destroyed? The mutants are mutants already? All this in what, 10 years? It's illogical and rather daft.

The film itself is almost boring. As a Planet of the Apes fan it acts as slight passable entertainment but as a stand alone movie it falls apart on itself. Way to many shots of mutants crossing a dessert. Or seriously bland action. Here's how the action plays out when the mutants attack ape city. They drive towards ape city, they fire a gun, the apes fire a gun, a treehouse explodes, repeat, repeat, repeat, ad nauseam. The shots are so bland and boring and repetitive I could of swore they used the same shots more than once.

The acting is by far the worst of the whole series too. Roddy McDowall returns for the fourth time and his performance is decent but never reaches the heights he captured in either Escape or Conquest. Everyone else is ho hum to droll. It's almost as if those side characters with the wooden acting in all the past Apes films have been promoted to the leads. The acting isn't that bad but it comes pretty damn close.

The effects are weak, and other than the ape costumes, the only effect I can think of is a treehouse exploding which like I mentioned before might be the same shot reused over and over (or from different angles). The directing was bland and straight out of TV of that era. At times it feels like you are watching a Planet of the Apes version of MASH which in theory sounds like it might work but in reality it just makes you wish to be watching either of those instead. The editing is a boring cut and splice hack job with no pizzaz and for the first time the music comes of as generic and weak.

This movie really is a 'piss poor' attempt at continuing the Apes franchise. It really should have been straight to TV rather than being released on television. I really can't recommend anybody watch this except for three reasons. The first reason: you are watching the entire Planet of the Apes franchise in order and it therefore must be watched. The second reason: you've actually seen this movie before and you actually like it, or even worse, you love it! The third reason: you, like me, are a huge Planet of the Apes fan.


Film Rating: 51%

Breakdown (How Battle for the Planet of the Apes scored 51%):

Production Design: 6 out of 10
Cinematography: 5 out of 10
Re-playability: 4 out of 10
Originality: 4 out of 10
Costumes:  6 out of 10
Directing: 5 out of 10
Editing: 6 out of 10
Acting: 6 out of 10
Music: 5 out of 10

Script: 4 out of 10

Conquest of the Planet of the Apes (67%)

All new! The Revolt of the apes. The most awesome spectacle in the annuals of science fiction!

I hadn't seen Conquest of the Planet of the Apes in a very long time. And even then, I had only seen it once. It must of been about fifteen years ago, on VHS, where is full of scratches and cropped to a full frame aspect ratio where I was losing almost half the picture. I hated this movie those fifteen years ago. I had found it overlong and confusing. The entire end sequence was muddled and I couldn't tell what was going on at any one moment, but more on that later.

So I just watched Conquest again and I can now say that my memories were wrong about this movie. It wasn't terrible by any stretch of the imagination, I mean it wasn't a masterpiece and it is the worst of the first four Ape movies but it is rather enjoyable, is decently made, has another terrific lead performance by Roddy McDowall and features the always likeable Ricardo Montalban.

Taking place 20 years after the events of Escape from the Planet of the Apes, the surviving ape (played by Roddy McDowall) of future apes Zira and Cornelius has secretly grown up in a circus under the loving care of Montalban. During those 20 years a mysterious virus brought from either the apes of Escape or the ship they landed in has killed off all dogs and cats. So human ingenuity made apes into pets and realizing how smart (and how much smarter they were getting) they were they started turning apes into slaves. When Montalban is caught in a lie about his ape he is killed and McDowall is forced to fend for himself. He names himself Caesar, and brings upon the uprising of the apes.

McDowall is fantastic in this film. He really has mastered the ape costume and can bring about emotion and fear through his eyes and body language better in this film than he has before. Even covered by a mask he still seems sad, angry, happy or confused when he needs to be. Montalban is his usual likeable self and the rest of the cast performs well although there are no other stand out performances here. And, of course, there are the wooden actors hired as the side characters, the ones that say only a line or two, that have become a staple of the series.

Dealing with the uprising of the apes, Conquest of the the Planet of the Apes is of course the darkest of the four movies. Lots of death and violence occur throughout the movie. But at the same time (at least in the first hour) there is lots of humour. There is an air of ominousness in the proceedings right from the opening shots that is helped by the music, which is good but lacking that extra bit of magic that Jerry Goldsmith brought to his films. The scene where Caesar picks his name is well played out and well directed. Caesar stares down his 'master' for what seems like a very long time when he picks 'the name of a king', creating a mood of foreboding, a sense of foreshadowing and an overall feeling of uneasiness.

There are other scenes too that are directed well but overall the director, J. Lee Thompson, does a passable if rushed job with the film. Things happen to fast. Caesar trains and organizes the primitive apes in much too fast a time. It seems like a matter of days before he has organized them together. Even before Montalban's character is killed, Caesar seems destined to fulfill his destiny as leader of the apes. His character, which is very sweet natured at the beginning changes much to fast and before you know it has become almost to evil. The speech delivered by McDowall at the end is amazing through and through; it's venomous and hateful and evil and a sight to see.

So as I mentioned earlier, the last time I saw this film I was confused and couldn't tell what was going on. This is what made me not like the movie for the most part. So having watched it again was I just as confused? No. Was it because I am much older? No. The reason is one hundred percent because of the size of the image. In it's full widescreen glory I was easily able to follow what was going on during the uprising. Not that much really does go on, it is rather bland and repetitive and doesn't have much in cool shots or cool moments (minus the speech mentioned earlier), but I still could tell what was happening clearly. When I watched the pan and scanned cropped version all that was left was shots of apes running and all the shots looked the same and it became a blur. It became impossible to see what was happening or even to pull you into the story. This does not happen when the image isn't cropped and therefore makes for a more enjoyable movie.

So Conquest of the Planet of the Apes is much better than I gave it credit for. I was dreading, in some ways, watching this movie again as I had some really bad memories of it but those memories have been displaced. It's a fun watch, with a fantastic performance by McDowall. It's got some excellent scenes (and some not so excellent) and a lot of great humour. The healthy cigarettes are a hoot ('Funny, now that I know these things won't kill me, I don't enjoy them.') It's fun to watch and like Beneath the Planet of the Apes the first hour is more solid than the last half hour. The final battle is a little bland and could of used more creativity in the fighting but Caesar's speech afterwards brings the picture back up a few notches.

The fourth entry in the Planet of the Apes series has turned out to be the worst of the four. But that isn't saying it's bad rather it's just not as good as the other three (it's pretty much on par with the second though). If you are a fan of the series and have liked what you have seen so far in Planet of the Apes, Beneath the Planet of the Apes and Escape from the Planet of the Apes then you will definitely like Conquest of the Planet of the Apes. It's a fun watch, darker and more ominous than the previous entries and comes off better than expected and better than it should of after four movies.

And Please!!! If you watch this movie make sure it is the widescreen edition otherwise you are just wasting your time. 


Film Rating: 67%

Breakdown (How Conquest of the Planet of the Apes scored 67%):

Production Design: 7 out of 10
Cinematography: 6 out of 10
Re-playability: 7 out of 10
Originality: 6 out of 10
Costumes:  7 out of 10
Directing: 6 out of 10
Editing: 7 out of 10
Acting: 7 out of 10
Music: 7 out of 10

Script: 7 out of 10